Fall In "Like" With Work Again




It’s hard to remain in a job you dislike or if you’re being really honest…hate. I’ve been there. Before my current place, if I didn’t like my job I wasn’t about to keep wasting my employer’s time or mine – I moved on. Then I got settled and found some people I enjoyed working with and slowly the years kept ticking by and I wasn’t going anywhere. I won’t lie, there were a couple of times I was ready to be done and it wasn’t that I was unhappy, it was because of a person. That’s a silly reason to leave a job I put a lot into however I would adamantly tell anyone, a job or person is not worth the unhappiness.
But what if leaving isn’t an option. A lot of people don’t have the option of leaving their jobs just because they dislike it and the fact that they can’t makes them dislike it even more. So how can we fix it? To quote Will Smith, “your heart, your life, your happiness is you responsibility.” It’s no one’s fault that you dislike your job but it’s your responsibility to figure it out how to make it work. Here are a few scenarios and techniques that might help you work through them.

“Dislike Your Boss | Dislike Your Peers” – Sometimes the best thing to rectify a discord amongst individuals is to have a third party. I had a problem with one of my superiors for a long time and what needed to happen was to have an objective person to be there to allow us to air out our grievances and changes to be made on both sides but it didn’t happen like that right away. What wound up happening was a third party echoed some of my grievances and brought into light changes that needed to happen. The thing about being an adult is talking problems out like adults and everyone should be in an environment where they feel they can have those types of conversations. I feel it’s important that if you don’t feel comfortable having a one on one conversation with the individual who you have your problems with, approach a manger, ask HR or a coworker to sit in on the meeting; you can even write it all down and bring it with you so you can make sure you touch on all the points – a good person will recognize that even though you don’t need to be friends, you can work and co-exist amicably and respectfully, they will work with you for the betterment of the company.

If someone is just out to make your life miserable for no reason and nothing can be done about it, you can either let the jabs and nastiness roll off your shoulder or document each incident to the point where you have enough of a case to get change to happen.

“I’m Not Challenged Enough | No Opportunities” – Being looked over or passed over for opportunities is incredibly frustrating and unfair. But as most of us know, we can’t always wait for opportunities to meet us at the door – in some cases you need to make opportunities for yourself. Identify what is in your current role that no longer excites you – for me, there was a time I was a recruiter for a staffing agency and I really enjoyed it, but after two years I found doing the same thing day after day, reading resume after resume became tiresome – there was no excitement. So I asked my manager to give me harder assignments, I wanted engineers not just administrative. I learned that the qualities I had to search for were a lot harder and required me to be extremely picky with my selections – I reinvented the same job by changing the “scenery”. If you’ve been in the same position for a long time – talk to your manager about receiving more responsibility – telling your manager you’re not feeling like your using your full potential is actually music to their ears. They want people to take on more work, they want people to move up in the company and by expressing that you are opening the door for yourself, not waiting for someone to do it for you. You can also offer to help a co-worker with one of their projects in a different or higher up department, it’s a great learning experience and a good way to get your foot through the door for promotions.

“Environment” – We are visual creatures, we like something with our eyes first and that’s no different with our workspace. Whether you work in a cubicle, office, or open area – the only way to increase your enjoyment is to enjoy the space you occupy. I’ve said this before, don’t wait to personalize your space when you start a new job, get comfy right off the bat. I had a new person come in a week before her start date to get her desk setup – she brought not only her files, but everything that made her happy. She had happy face things on her desk, colorful mousepad, photos – you name it she had it and it made her feel more at home when she started. I’ve also had someone start who took months to bring in a photo – when I asked she said “well you know I want to make sure this stuck,” – show you’re in it, you are committed to making yourself happy at your job. Some companies however want a very clean work space, nothing on the desks – make your desktop on your computer something you enjoy looking at, if you’re allowed a small plant, small succulents add great visual and they’re extremely low maintenance.

“I Don’t Have Friends At Work | No One Likes Me” – Whether you’re the new kid on the block or you’ve been there for a while and just haven’t ventured out to get to know your co-workers – it’s important to remember not everyone will be your friend. It’s just a fact. You can however win people over to just liking you by bringing in the big guns – donuts. Believe it or not, food = happiness. You don’t need to be everyone’s friend but you need to seem approachable – if you come off as stuck up or rude, that’s how people will perceive you. If you’re quiet and timid, people won’t take the time to bother. Sometimes, we need to take the first step and nothing breaks the ice quite like donuts. They’re inexpensive and a crowd pleaser. Stick a note to the top of the box saying “Good Morning Everyone! Enjoy!” When people start asking who brought the donuts in, guess whose name is floating around? If you suffer from BRF (Bitchy Resting Face) – not your fault but you do need to take the responsibility to show you can be approachable and you are a nice person. If someone is asking you a question via email, get up and go give them a face to face answer “Hey Sue saw your email – got a second?” They might wonder why you didn’t just reply to which you can add “Sometimes I just need to stretch my legs so I thought what better time than to come talk to you”. Again, you’re not there to be everyone’s friend but you need to be a team player and regardless of personal feelings – a smile makes it all better. Also, network! Go out to lunch with people in your department or hit happy hour with your co-workers. By being seen socially outside of your office can encourage relationship development and give you something to look forward to.

I want you to be realistic about something and this is something I’ve lived by – if when all else fails and nothing can be done to improve your current situation, you owe it to yourself to make the change. Seek out new employment and make sure they meet your needs you’re interviewing a company just as they’re interviewing you. There are no amount of donuts in the world that can improve a deteriorating situation and you need to prepare yourself for that. Prepare that you will likely be without insurance for a few months, that’s scary if you have kids – try to set aside money for cobra to cover them if you can. Prepare for it to take some time – don’t leave a job without securing another, that’s most important. Prepare to start all over – making yourself approachable to your new coworkers, training, getting over the learning curve, etc. Finally, if you plan on leaving your current job – make sure you’re doing it with advancement opportunity – you can make a unilateral move but don’t fall into the same trap, make sure that wherever you land – there’s options to change the “scenery”.

Have questions on how to make changes happen at work? Comment down below!



Are You Sharenting?



If you are like me, you just read that word and said “what” and if you’re not like me and are in the “know” then good on you because I had no idea that this was a thing. For us, uncool people, the term “sharenting” is a parent who overshares their life on social media – about 900% of the population at this point.

I think it’s almost taboo for people not to have a social media page. As someone in the workplace, I know whenever I get a new hire – the first thing I check for is their social media so I can see what they’ve got going on. If I don’t see one, I can’t help but think “what are they hiding?” not perhaps that they choose not to share their entire life story with complete strangers. But as parents, do we overshare?

I tend to follow a lot of parents on social media and these are people who post pictures of their kids daily, vlog, etc. It seems as though it’s become very normal for people to share a lot about their families. However, what’s considered too much? If you have been following me, you may notice I don’t post my kid’s faces or names on any of my platforms. Earlier when I first started my social media I used to, but I kind of got creeped out by the whole thing and decided to keep their anonymity.

In part, I agree we’ve become a nation of oversharers. We share what we eat, what we wear, where we’re going, what we’re doing, who we’re with, how our children behave in public. Sharing is caring but perhaps we care too much. I chose not to put my children on social media for safety reasons first and foremost – a decision every person makes on their own. I don’t like the idea of some perv eyeballing my kid or someone using their photo as their faux baby on their own social media – yes people do that. Secondly, I didn’t want to open them up to ridicule – the internet is forever and people feel they have a right to comment on the way your kid looks and one day I don’t want my kid looking back and seeing someone saying something negative about them – it’s easy to be cruel behind a screen.

It’s also easy to be forgetful that even though our intentions are good – clearly as parents we’re proud of our tiny humans and the funny things they say and do – not everyone who watches has good intentions. The other side of this argument is not allowing yourself to live in fear of the faceless person who could be there. So where do you draw the line? Who says what’s too much? For me personally, I like talking about my kids and our family but I hold their privacy very close to me, others feel that so long as they take precaution i.e. not posting in real time, no street names of where they live, keeping details to a minimum – the internet is out of their hands. Wouldn’t it be great that at the moment someone has ill intentions, a signal goes out to the police that makes them spring into action and catch the pig before they have time to push enter? Wishful thinking but here’s hoping.

So are you sharenting? If you’re asking me, you probably are. I think that in this current world we live in there’s no going back, there’s no turning off the switch – we live in technology and we’ve made ourselves transparent. Children are learning to live their lives in front of a camera because as their parents we stop them every two minutes to take a picture or video. Older children are finding value in themselves by how many “likes” they’re getting from people they may or may not know. My daughter who is almost two loves to watch the videos I take of her on my phone - but as her mother I’m selfish – instead of posting that video, I keep it for myself and will often watch it over and over. Sure there are things I choose to share on my public profiles and my private ones but I find I overshare with myself – that might sound a little weird but there’s no other way of putting it!

Why are we so fascinated by sharing our life on the internet? Do people really care what we ate for breakfast or that my kid rolled over today? The way I look at it is we’re documenting life and we have a natural curiosity about what goes on in other people’s homes. Our children are growing so quickly, it’s almost easier to keep the camera on so we can freeze time ALL the time. I remember the days when relatives got yearly updated school pictures and that was enough, now we’re posting every day sometimes every hour every little thing our kids do – we are inadvertently teaching them that this lack of privacy and transparency is normal.

I think we can all agree there is such a thing as oversharing – in my opinion we have every right to be proud of our children, excited about their life and in most cases not let family members who live far away miss out but we also have to keep at the forefront of our minds that the internet is not a safe place, that our children deserve the right to a life without us documenting every second, they deserve to have parents who are present and not worried about posting the next silly/embarrassing thing they do, and they need to learn to live their lives for themselves and not their followers.


So, what’s my final thought? My final thought is to be a sharenting – but keep 95% for yourself.

#TimesUp



This past Sunday was the Golden Globes and if you’re on social media you were very aware of the Time’s Up hash tag (#TimesUp) that rapidly appeared all over the place. Something about seeing all the celebrities dressed in black and the focus really staying on what the message was all about got me really excited especially some of the speeches and words that were spoken. Hello? Oprah as President – YES PLEASE! We would all get cars! Just kidding – or am I?

On Instagram – I saw more and more people posting photos of themselves wearing black in solidarity and I got so inspired, I got so excited because I felt the voice, I felt the passion these women were expressing and for so long so many fought, trying to get their voice over the roaring crowd of suppression and finally, finally the voice has been amplified. I am part of that voice. I don’t know one woman who hasn’t been touched by sexual harassment in the workplace, myself included – but were often too scared, too embarrassed, too shocked to say anything and so it continued. But not anymore.

As I listened to the incredible words that Oprah spoke – I thought to myself “is it possible my daughter will never have a “me too” story?” I felt hopeful. In this time, we are finding ourselves, men and women, coming together to stand up against people that wish to do harm to others. No longer will people stay silent as they witness injustice happening or be victimized. I have always been a firm believer that there are people who will stand up for those who cannot stand up for themselves thereby giving them the confidence they need. Could we be on the road to a better humanity?

With so much happening in politics right now, if there is one thing I see now more than ever, is that we as decent people, will call B.S. on bigotry, racism, sexual harassment and violence. It’s not normal, it’s not right and it’s not ok. No more turning a blind eye, no more laughing off offensive jokes, no more accepting things the way they are – we can change and we can inspire change in others. Every day I will strive to be the change by being an example for my son and daughter. They are the future – they will learn what the word no means and mean it. They will be equal to each other in every sense. They will express kindness and openness to people different than them and they will speak up against wrong doing. #TimesUp!

Here are some photos of quotes from that night:


 
 








New Year – Goals for 2018





Happy 2018! New year means a big fat press on that reset button of life. It’s a reminder to get your stuff together, set your goals, get back into those skinny jeans – you know the usual. For me, I generally set a list of goals to meet and I’ve gone so far as writing them down paper and sticking it on the fridge where I can see it when the reality is, I always stop noticing it after a while. So this year I thought, let’s keep it simple – I chose three categories in my life to focus on:

Finances: Towards the end of 2017, my husband and I took getting our finances in order very seriously. We sat down and went through all the debt that we had, created a spreadsheet for each month and started itemizing everything we spend money on. For 2018, the goal is to be completely free of debt. Last year I started following Jordan Page of FunCheapOrFree.com and she talks about budgeting and frugal living and living your best life on a budget and so that really resonated with me. We’re parents and so money that we constantly put towards debt takes away from our kid’s future. It’s time to tighten the wallet.

Health: Isn’t this category a given? At the beginning of 2017 I managed to lose 10 pounds by just changing my eating habits and being a little more active but I stalled out in the middle of the year. So, this one has made it back again as I still have about 15 more pounds I want to lose. I don’t go by the number on a scale but by how my clothes fit and right now, they’re not fitting too well. Let's be honest, the majority of us are not as enthusiastic as others about working out, as a matter of fact I'd rather not, but I know that in order to live a healthy life - I have to force myself to do the things I don't want to do. I look at it like this, if I take care of myself - that gives me the best chances at having a long life with my kids. With that being said, I'm aiming for three days a week, at least 30 mins - that's something I can handle.

Family: Time and time again I find myself more engaged with my phone then with the people around me.  Taking a page from another blogger – she sets her days up in blocks where each portion of her day is dedicated to only one specific thing. So for example, while her kids are napping for two hours – that’s when she gets work done and when they come home from school there’s a block of time just dedicated to being present with them. This is something I really want to try and aim for in 2018. Once I walk through that door from work, my focus needs to be present and engaged with my family. Our kids are growing so quickly that moments will pass and we won’t see them because we’re too busy looking down when we should be looking forward.

Are you wondering where my professional category is? I didn’t set it a category of improvement because this is something I'm always working on. Throughout the year I'm constantly looking to improve and educate myself. You could totally set professional goals as one of your 2018, its just for me, since so much of my day is spent at work, this is something that is always front and center so my professional light needs to share the spot light with the other guys as well. Talk to me in 2019 - I betcha you'll see a professional aspiration listed!


Have you set your 2018 goals yet?